I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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