I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
