What tipped you off? The sombrero?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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