i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
