Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
