Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
