I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
