Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
