if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
