i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
