I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
