Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You need Xanax blowdarts
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
