I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
