wat bout pragnant strippers??
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
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