You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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