Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
