dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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