Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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