just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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