i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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