It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I need a burrito and a hug.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
