I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
