thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
