He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
