Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
