I wanna bring you to show and tell
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
