I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
