I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
