Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
He felt like a one man threesome
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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