he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
