Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
