New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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