I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
