Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Sober January is a disaster.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
