when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
