I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
