You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Randomize
