Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
