can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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