You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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