I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
All I want is dick and wine.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
