I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Randomize
