Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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