Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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