It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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