I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
