I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
