Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
