Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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