There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
