If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
