I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
