It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
