I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
