Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
