i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
