dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
