At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
